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Losing a loved one is one of the universal experiences that unites every adult person. It is a unique time of heightened emotions, filled with both a very conspicuous absence and a wealth of happy memories.

Thankfully, most of us will never experience enough loss to get used to the feeling — but this does mean that living through these times can be a challenge. You may be unsure how to direct your emotions or how to cope with the minutiae of everyday life with so much weight on your shoulders.

However, you should not feel helpless in this. There are ways that you can help yourself to start recovering from your loss.

Accept Your Feelings

You cannot control the way you feel, and nor would it be healthy to do so. Everything that you are experiencing is natural and perfectly understandable in the circumstances — no matter what you are feeling.

You may feel guilt, anger, hopelessness, regret, relief or any number of conflicting emotions. Everybody reacts to grief in a different way — and no two situations or relationships are the same, either.

As such, you should try not to be angry or frustrated with yourself for the way you are feeling. It is beyond your control and nothing that you should apologize for regardless. Instead, try to perceive yourself and your feelings as you would a dear friend’s. You deserve that kindness and patience in this hard time.

Be Proactive

When it comes to funeral arrangements, it may feel as though you have a mountain to climb — especially alongside your turbulent feelings. However, encouraging yourself to get started and be proactive in addressing these tasks can be very helpful.

Not only will it keep you occupied and give you something to think about other than what you’re feeling, but it may also provide you with some comfort or closure to know that you’re giving your loved one the best memorial service that you can.

Equally, having your loved one cremated can feel like releasing them — whatever your beliefs, going through this process is like a transition from one stage of life to the next. Taking part in this, and in celebrating that person’s life, may be very healing.

However, you should also know your own limits and take care of your wellbeing first and foremost. If you feel extremely uncomfortable, unhappy or unable to cope, do hand over these responsibilities to someone else — be it a family member or a professional. There is no shame in this.

Finally, do not rush to make irreversible decisions as you try to be proactive. For example, it may be tempting to try to sort through your loved one’s belongings. This step is not advisable; give yourself time to recover from your bereavement before you make these choices.

Don’t Suffer Alone

You cannot stop yourself from grieving, but you can alleviate some of the stress and pain of it by sharing your feelings with other people.

Talking to a friend or family member, especially somebody who shares your close connection with the deceased, will help you reaffirm to yourself that you are not the only one going through these feelings. You’ll remember how much support you really have at this difficult time.

Speaking to a therapist or trained volunteer, on the other hand, will give you access to established techniques and strategies for coping and a professional who can help you to use these.

In either case, actually talking about your emotions and explaining to another person what you’re going through will be helpful in and of itself.

This is a hard time of your life. However, with time the pain will ease — and taking care of yourself in the meantime will help the process go as quickly as possible, leaving you with mostly warm, happy memories of the loved one you were so lucky to have.

If you require help in planning or scheduling funeral and cremation services for your loved one, do not hesitate to contact us. We will be more than happy to assist you.

Helping Your Kids Say Goodbye to a Grandparent

If your kids are lucky enough, they’ll get to spend several years enjoying their grandparents’ company. However, since their grandparents are probably the oldest family members in your children’s lives, it’s likely that they’ll have to say goodbye to these beloved family members sooner than they’d like.

For some kids, their grandparents’ deaths are the first they’ve experienced, which can make the funeral and the events leading up to it particularly rough. But if you’re dealing with the death of your own parent, you might have a hard time knowing how to comfort your kids and help them through this difficult time.

Below, we give parents a few key tips that can help them ease their kids through the death of a beloved grandparent. The experience will be challenging for your kids no matter what, but a few tips can help your children understand the grieving process and hang on to their favourite memories while they mourn the loss of their dear relative.

Explain What’s Happening

Younger kids’ first experiences with death can be hard for parents to navigate. You might struggle with what to tell your child and how to explain what happened.

Because every child is different, there’s no perfect answer to how to talk to your kids about their grandparent’s death. You’ll need to decide how much and what to say based on the child’s age and personality, but no matter what, you can follow a few key rules:

• Don’t lie. Instead, use straightforward language — “Grandma has passed away. That means you won’t see her anymore, but you can always remember her in your heart.”
• Explain what will happen with your parent’s remains. Children may be unnerved by the idea of cremating or burying their grandparent’s body, so discuss why we do this (“so we always have a space to visit her” or “so we can keep some of him with us always”).
• Understand that different children will react differently. One child might throw a tantrum, another could cry and another could act fine for several days and suddenly melt down a week later. Give your child time and space for them to process and react in their own way.

As long as you follow these tips, there isn’t a right or wrong way to talk about death with your kids — just stay attuned to their emotions as well as your own while you navigate this process together.

Involve Kids in the Funeral

This piece of advice might not work for everyone — a more introverted or traumatized child might prefer to sit quietly in the back of the room, keeping their mourning process to themselves. However, some children feel closer to their grandparents if they’re allowed to participate in the ceremony. Rituals like funerals also help kids feel a sense of closure.

Every funeral and family is different, but a few options for involving your children in the funeral can include:

• Having older grandchildren participate as pallbearers if you’re burying your parent
• Letting children help pick out sprays of flowers to decorate the coffin
• Encouraging younger children to create something — a simple flower arrangement, a piece of art or a small photo collection — that celebrates their grandparent and can be displayed at the funeral

Having some amount of responsibility in the funeral ceremony can make your children feel closer to their grandparent by letting them express their love in a tangible, helpful way.

Honour Your Parent With Burial or Cremation

Choosing a customised coffin or beautiful urn does more than honour your parent’s wishes and legacy. It also shows your child that their grandparent’s unique personality and care is something to celebrate, honour and remember, even in death.

If you’re looking for a way to honour your parent after their passing, Cremations Only is here to help. Get in touch today to learn more about our funeral services.

Where burial was once the standard, many people now prefer to be cremated when they die, with 66 percent of Australians now choosing this option. There are many reasons for cremation becoming a more popular choice, for example, concerns about land use and other environmental concerns, but a gradual change in social norms is one of the main factors.

Although cremation has many benefits, one reason someone might decide to bury their loved one is so that they can have a special place to visit and remember their lost loved ones. A grave is a good place to spend time paying respects, but cremation doesn’t have to mean missing out on this benefit. In fact, there are plenty of ways you can still have a dedicated memorial for someone who has been cremated.

Create a Memorial Garden

Gardens will always be one of the most popular ways to remember someone, as the living plants provide the perfect metaphor for the person’s memory living on. You can designate an area of your own garden at home, or find somewhere you can buy a plot to use.

This is a really versatile idea because you can personalise the garden as much as you want, making it a fitting tribute to the person who has passed away. Trees are often used, due to their long lives and easy care, but if there isn’t space, plants like rose bushes also work very well.

Once you have the garden in place, you can either scatter or bury the ashes in the spot, so the deceased person will always be present when you visit the garden to remember them. You can even buy urns that contain seeds along with the ashes, so when they’re buried, a tree will spring up as the urn biodegrades.

Combine Cremation With a Traditional Burial

Opting for cremation doesn’t mean you can’t have a burial as well. Ashes can be buried inside urns or small caskets, which takes up far less space than a full grave would. This cuts down on land use, which also brings the cost down if you’re working within a strict budget.

Many cemeteries allow the burial of ashes, either alongside traditional graves or within a designated area. You might also find a cemetery that has a vault for cremation urns, which makes a nice alternative to burial and maximises the use of available land.

As an alternative to a cemetery, you might be able to get permission to bury ashes and place a small memorial on public land if you make enquiries. This is also something you can do at home if you have a suitably quiet and spacious part of the garden.

Make a Special Place at Home

Many beautiful urns are available in which ashes can be stored and urns can make a wonderful centrepiece to a small indoor memorial. With a photograph or two, and perhaps some candles and other decorations, you can easily create a space in your home where you and your family can remember the person’s life.

One of the major benefits of taking this route is that you never have to worry about losing access to the memorial if you move away from the home. The urn can always be taken with you or passed onto another family member to care for. You also get excellent peace of mind that the ashes will always be kept safe, and you won’t need to obtain any special permits.

Some people feel like a home memorial doesn’t have the same meaning as visiting a grave, however, if you choose a quieter part of the house, you can still experience the reverent feeling of a cemetery and the separateness of the special memorial place from the rest of your home.

Deciding where to scatter your loved one’s ashes after cremation is a very personal decision, and the process will look different for everyone.

Some families might have a definite idea of where their loved one’s ashes should be scattered, some might have received direction from their relative before they passed and others might have no idea what to do with the ashes.

The following pointers will help you consider your options, without making you feel rushed or overwhelmed.

Make a List of Significant Places

When you’re feeling uninspired, it can help to grab a piece of paper and make a list of places that were significant in your loved one’s life, such as places they lived, places they’d visited, favourite nature spots or even locations where they worked. Looking through old photo albums can also be a great source of ideas.

Consult the Entire Family

Scattering the ashes of your loved one might bring up a lot of emotions, so it’s important to be sensitive to every member of the family. Hold a family discussion to decide how the ashes should be scattered, and be respectful of everyone’s opinion.

Even if you don’t get on well with certain family members, you should keep things civil and friendly. In most cases, however, you can easily come to a joint decision.

Consider Multiple Locations

If you’re struggling to make a decision or different family members have different ideas about where the ashes should be scattered, you might want to consider multiple locations. You could split the ashes into several different containers and allow each family member to scatter theirs as they wish.

Alternatively, you could make a list of several significant locations and visit them all together to scatter different containers, which is a lovely option if your relative had multiple places which were important to them — for example, if they lived in several different countries or had family all around the world.

Avoid Private Property or Get Permission

It’s not always legal to scatter ashes, so it’s important to check local regulations beforehand. If you want to scatter your loved one’s ashes on private property, you’ll need permission from the owner first. If you’ve chosen a natural location, like a forest, beach, or river, you’ll need to get permission from the authority that manages the area.

You need to make sure that scattering ashes won’t contravene the Protection of the Environment Operations Act of 1997 by causing either air or water pollution. Don’t let this regulation put you off, however. Most landowners will be understanding, sympathetic and sensitive when it comes to dealing with your request.

Don’t Feel Rushed into Scattering

Letting go of your loved one’s remains might be harder than expected, even if you’d always planned to scatter their ashes. There’s no obligation to scatter the ashes the moment you get them, and some families prefer to keep a decorative urn around for a while, giving them time to fully process the loss.

You might decide to scatter the ashes a few weeks’ after your loved one passes, or even a few years. Don’t feel rushed into making a decision, as it is a deeply personal process that others may not fully understand.

Even when you’re certain that you want to scatter your loved one’s ashes rather than hold onto them, settling on the right location can be difficult. Navigate this sensitive process by carefully considering your options, consulting your entire family, being aware of laws and regulations and giving yourself time to make the decision.

Looking to arrange a cremation? Contact us at Cremations Only for help today.